Reflection

 

Daily Reflection — The Day I Chose My Path Again

I don’t even know how to describe today except that something inside me became clear.

There are moments on this journey where life reminds me who I really am and what path I’m supposed to walk. Today was one of those moments.

I remembered how my life changed the first time I ran 100 miles.

That day in 2014, something opened inside my mind that I still cannot explain.

If I hadn’t run those races—through a divorce, through pain, through sleeping on the floor—I don’t think I would understand the person I’ve become today. At mile 80, everything inside me shifted. At mile 90, I remembered who I was. I found my identity. I found my spirit. Since then, I’ve never looked at life the same way.

Those miles prepared me for everything that came after:

the stroke, the accident, the uncertainty, the homelessness, the silence, the discipline, the spiritual awakening. Even during the stroke, I didn’t know it was a stroke—I only knew the feeling of mile 80, and I knew I would recover.

Today, I was reminded that not everyone walks with that level of spiritual discipline.

Some people are drowning in addiction, manipulation, confusion, and chaotic spirituality. They chant, they perform ceremonies, they play with substances, but they have not reached the level of inner work that true transformation requires. They haven’t done the miles. They haven’t faced themselves. They haven’t broken their ego.

Watching people destroy themselves with addiction hurts me.

I try to show compassion, but I also know their healing is not my responsibility. I cannot carry grown men out of the darkness they choose. I cannot save anyone who does not want to be saved. All I can do is stand in my truth.

And that truth is this:

I am not meant to be around drugs, manipulation, or spiritual confusion.

My path is sobriety, discipline, meditation, running, yoga, and truth.

Even with pain in my back, even with slow running, even with setbacks, I still get up and run. I still stretch. I still meditate. I still practice. I’ve done hundreds of pushups every day for years. I’ve walked miles every day even when I didn’t know where I was going. Something in me refuses to quit.

Yes, I have rebelled against the idea of “just getting a job,” and for years I thought something was wrong with me. But today I understand it clearly:

I am not lazy.

I am not confused.

I am choosing the life my spirit prepared me for.

Self-mastery is my path.

Healing is my calling.

And even in this moment of uncertainty, I feel like a billionaire inside.

Today showed me that I must walk forward, not backward.

I must stay in environments that honor my spirit.

I must step away from chaos and addiction.

I must honor the transformation that began at mile 80 and has never left me.

My journey is spiritual.

My discipline is my wealth.

And everything ahead of me is opening, slowly, in perfect time.